What they could have told us on the philosophy degree, of course, is that a good philosophy is a simple thing. Really, it’s just a very good sort of hair conditioner.

You get in the shower, do the shampooing and, afterwards, consider what comes next:

A good conditioner has slip. It’s rectification; negotiation. Even in the palm of your hand it holds promise of something rich and loose; a thick, nourishing cream made with influences from all over the world – or maybe things grown locally – designed for gentle detangling after clarification; a soothing balm after the wash.

Conditioner is cationic; positively charged to attract itself to your very cells and sink in deep; anything negative would repel (leave that for the washing; repulsion is how shampoo works).

Creative envisaging requires historical examination, and a good conditioner must fill in cracks; must create easy glide over dull cells. Separation of strands is a passing goal; then the lying flat – the smooth sheen of glossy conformity. In creating definition, it posits definition. Hair must not be straw; all theories deserve defence – even decadent ones. Afterwards, you’ll want to run your fingers through it.

There can be no assumptions made, and a language of absolute terms only; all else washes down the drain. It must not get in your eyes.